Secret
by JantoFan
Summary: Howard's secret is out. Now what? Now a story!
1. Chapter 1

**I've had this idea for a while but never written it down. I was sort of inspired to by 'Aint it Fun' (SisiDraig), but I don't think it's as good as hers! Oh well. Hope you like it! Is very random.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine., never has been, never will be. Damn.**

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Howard rubbed his eyes vigorously with the back of his hand, leaving tear stains on his cheeks.

He picked up his bag and took one final look around the flat. he was going to miss this place. More than he ever thought possible.

He didn't know what it had been about this place, about these people, that rendered him so incapable of doing anything right. When he'd been younger he'd thought he was so smart. He'd thought he could handle anything. Seems he was wrong.

His eyes rested on a photo on the mantelpiece. Him and Vince. He picked it up and ran a finger over Vince's smiling face. He wished he could see him one last time. With a sigh, he went to put the picture down; before changing his mind and slipping it into his bag instead.

"What're you doing?"

Howard froze. _oh, shit…_ "Vince! You…you're not supposed to be here!"

"Obviously." the younger man's eyes combed the scene in front of him, taking in the packed bag, the travelling coat, the missing items belonging to Howard. They stopped on the note marked 'Vince' propped up against a lamp shade. He frowned and picked it up.

"Vince, no…" Howard tried to stop him, but it was too late. The younger man read the note quickly, his eyes getting wider with every line.

"I see." he muttered when he'd finished. "And were you going to wait for anyone to get back, or were you just going to sneak away?" he sounded quietly furious.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry!? Howard, you were just going to leave!"

"I cant do this anymore! I thought I could, but I cant! I care about you too much to stay!"

"That's weird logic, even for you!"

"It isn't! I…" Howard swallowed. "Vince, there's so much you don't know about me. So much you could never understand."

"Try me."

"I cant."

"yes you can. You were leaving, Howard, there has to be a good reason!"

"Maybe there is! But that doesn't mean I have to explain it to you!" Howard yelled suddenly. Vince looked suddenly scared. "God, you are like a fucking child! 'Howard, are there tarantula's eggs in bananas, Howard, can I have a drink?, Howard, Howard, Howard' every fucking day, Vince! Do you have any idea how bloody annoying you are?"

"Whatever, Howard." Vince tried to look like he didn't care, but his mouth was trembling slightly.

"Move. You're in front of the door."

"No."

"Get out of the way Vince."

"No. not until you explain."

Howard reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun. "I said get out of the _fucking_ way!"

"Fuck!" Vince raised his hands, face completely horrified. "Howard where the hell did you get a gun?!"

"I've always had it. I always use it to…" he broke off.

"Howard?"

"I'm an assassin, Vince."

There was a silence. Vince looked like he couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. "You're joking, this is a joke."

"No."

"But…you cant be an assassin, Howard. I've known you too long…"

"You've never known me. Come on, do you really think there are people like Howard Moon in the world? People who think brown and jazz are the height of fashion? Please. Howard was just a creation so I could get close to Naboo. A loveable idiot that no-one pays any attention to."

"I pay attention…"

Howard sneered. "Really? Yet you didn't seem to notice anything wrong, did you? All the bullshit stories I've fed you over the years, I thought at least one of them would have made you realise something was up. I mean; the spirit of jazz? Remember him, hmm? At the zoo? I told you I couldn't play an instrument without him taking control of me."

"Yeah, I remember, but…"

"I've been in a band for the past fucking two years! Where do you think he went?!"

"I don't…"

"I summoned him at the zoo, in the hope he'd get Naboo when I left him alone there. Didn't exactly work out." he snorted.

"You've gone wrong, Howard." Vince said quietly. "you cant be an assassin. You've never killed anyone…"

Howard laughed. "God, you are so fucking stupid. No wonder it was so easy gaining your trust. I'm not just gonna kill any old person, I'm hired to go after one specific target. In this case Naboo."

"So why haven't you killed Naboo?"

Howard smiled. "How do you know I haven't?"

Vince cast a nervous look at the shaman's bedroom door. "he's…he's out."

"But I'm the one that told you that, Vince."

Vince's eyes widened.

"why're you doing this?"

"Um…because I get paid?" Howard smirked and waved the gun again. "Now get out of my way before I put a bullet in you."

"You wouldn't."

"Why? Because we're _friends_? We're not friends. You mean nothing to me, Vince. You're nothing more than the annoying little pest who got me into Naboo's flat and into his life."

Vince blinked, tears snaking down his face. "If I mean nothing to you, why's there a picture of me in your bag?"

"I…because…" Howard seemed to freeze for a moment, and then the cruel façade slipped and he lowered the gun. "Please, Vince. Please don't make this any harder…"

"Any harder?! You've killed Naboo!!"

"But I haven't!" Howard exclaimed in frustration. "I haven't."

"But…"

"That's why I need to go, Vince. I got too involved, made friends with the target. I cant kill him. Not now."

"Well, then why cant you stay?"

"Because I've failed. And the people I work for don't take too kindly to failure." he drew a finger slowly across his throat and Vince gasped in horror.

"Naboo'll protect you, yeah? There has to be something…"

"No, Vince! You are always so sure everything's gonna turn out alright. Well I have news for you; it isn't. the world isn't like that. My world isn't like that."

Vince glanced around. "Let me come with you."

"No chance. Remember last time we tried to run away?"

"I'll do it properly this time! Listen when you tell me to pack light!"

"No, Vince!" Howard sighed. "Vince, my life is dangerous. Especially now. You wouldn't be able to cope with it; always moving, changing your look, your name, never making friends, never going out unless you have to. You'd hate it."

"I'd cope."

"And how do you think I'd feel? If you got killed because of me? You're safe here. I know you are."

"But I love you."

Howard felt a sudden urge to hit Vince. "that doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

Howard rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's alright then! The big nasty men won't hunt me down and slaughter me like a fucking dog, because Vince fucking Noir just wants to love me!"

"Stop it!" Vince pleaded, tears running down his face.

Howard suddenly felt guilty. This was the last time he was ever going to see the younger man, he didn't want to end it like this…

So Howard did the one thing he'd never done. The one thing he'd wanted to do for months, maybe even years. He leaned forwards and he kissed Vince. Vince gasped in surprise, then relaxed and moved his mouth against Howard's. the older man wished with all his heart he'd done this sooner. They could have had ages. A proper relationship maybe…

Maybe they still could. Howard slid his hand around Vince's neck, burying it in the deep black hair. Vince moaned softly, the kiss becoming more needy. It was then that Howard pulled away, regretfully.

"I'm sorry, Vince. I cant put you in harms way. I need to leave. Now. Tonight."

"I cant let you. Not after that. Not after…" he swallowed. "I don't want to be here without you."

Howard felt as though he was about to cry again. "I know. I'm going to miss you. So much."

"Then don't leave me." Vince whispered. Howard wanted more than anything to just wrap his arms around Vince's slender body and never let go, but he knew he couldn't. so instead he raised the gun again and pressed it into Vince's stomach.

"Please Vince," Howard begged. "Please just let me go. I don't want to hurt you. But I need to leave. Now. And you're in my way."

Vince stared at Howard, then looked down at the gun. Then back into his friend's face. He licked his lips nervously.

* * *

3 minutes later, Howard came hurrying out of the front door. He threw his bag into the back of the van and climbed into the driver's seat, starting the ignition. His hands were shaking violently; he was going to have to try and calm down or he would cause an accident. He took several deep breaths, and the trembling eased off slightly. He still felt like he was going to be sick though.

Howard looked out of the window, back up at the flat. "I'm so, so sorry, Vince." he whispered. "You deserved better than this."

With a small sob, he pressed down on the accelerator and sped off into the night.

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Like I said, very random. Oh well. Reviews are loved!!x


	2. Chapter 2

**I do hate to disappoint people, so I've decided to continue this one! I have no idea for plot though, because I was only going to do the one shot, so we'll have to see where it goes! Any ideas would be great lol.**

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"I got a bad feeling." Bollo commented as he and Naboo got off the carpet outside the Nabootique.

"Really." Naboo muttered, unimpressed. He wished Bollo could be a little more specific with his 'feelings'.

"Something wrong in the flat." Bollo muttered darkly, looking up.

"Well lets go up then." Naboo told him. "Probably just Howard burnt some food again or something. He's such a ball bag."

The shaman inserted his key into the lock and pushed the door open, making his way up the stairs. He stepped in something wet and cursed. If those two idiots had flooded his flat…only when he looked down it wasn't water he'd trodden in.

It was blood.

Naboo felt panic surge through his mind. He motioned for Bollo to stay where he was, and then slowly pushed the door open. The flat looked deserted. "Vince?" he called, looking around. "Howard? What's going on?" he reached up to turn the light on and his hand came into contact with a bullet lodged in the wall. "Shit." he muttered, pulling back his arm sharply.

It was then that he caught sight of Vince's boots sticking out from behind the sofa. _Please tell me he's not wearing them_ he prayed silently. _Please tell me he's just a messy twat and left them strewn about_. But he could already see the electro prince's legs sticking out of the top. "Vince?" he said quietly, feeling his heart beat faster when he received no response. He walked slowly around the sofa. "Vince?"

* * *

"_Please Vince," Howard begged. "Please just let me go. I don't want to hurt you. But I need to leave. Now. And you're in my way."_

_Vince stared at Howard, then looked down at the gun. Then back into his friend's face. He licked his lips nervously. "No."_

"_Vince!"_

"_If you want me to move you'll have to shoot me. Can you do that?"_

"_Yes." Howard replied without hesitation._

"_Then do it." Vince whispered softly. "I'd rather be shot by you than have my heart broken by you."_

_Howard closed his eyes and gently squeezed the trigger. As soon as he felt the resistance give a little, however, he swung the weapon up over Vince's shoulder and buried the bullet in the wall._

"_I cant, Vince! It's pathetic!"_

_Vince laid a hand on his arm. "Howard, don't say that. How can not wanting to kill somebody be pathetic?"_

"_Because I should be able to!" Howard said, voice anguished. "I'm supposed to be able to kill anyone, if and when I'm asked to." he looked into Vince's eyes. "What did you do to me, Vince?" he asked softly. "Before I met you I was one of the best. Now I'm nothing. What did you do to me?"_

"_I don't know." Vince replied softly. He leant forwards slowly, and captured Howard's lips in the gentlest kiss he'd ever had. Howard felt his heart melt; and at that moment felt like he'd give Vince anything he asked for._

_He also knew that that would be dangerous. He had to get away. Now. Without Vince._

_Tears threatening to spill over his eyes, Howard raised the gun once more and hit Vince hard on the temple. Vince's eyes flew open instantly and there was a split second where he was still conscious and understood what Howard had done. Then he crumpled, falling to the floor like a rag doll. Howard caught him, holding him close and whispering apologies in his ear. He checked the younger man's pulse and was relieved to find it was still strong. Picking him up, he laid him down next to the sofa. "You shouldn't have been here." he whispered. Then he picked up his bag and hurried out of the flat._

* * *

"Vince?"

Vince's eyes snapped open and he stared blearily at the shaman for a few seconds before he realised who it was. "Oh. Hey Naboo."

"Vince, what happened? Who did this to you? Where's Howard?"

"Howard."

"Yeah. You know, tall guy with a weird moustache? Penchant for jazz?"

"No, I mean it was Howard. Howard who hit me." Tears filled his huge blue eyes and he gave a small sob. "He's gone, Naboo. He's left."

"What do you mean, Howard hit you?" Naboo exchanged a baffled look with his familiar. "Vince, slow down. Tell me everything."

* * *

Howard swore angrily at a passing car when it shot over the zebra crossing in front of him. The driver honked back and for a second Howard was tempted to pull out his gun and shoot the bastard. But no, he couldn't. he had to keep a low profile. He glanced up at the barbers sign on the shop. Time for a new look. Loose the moustache, maybe dye his hair. That should work. And a name, he'd need a name… _hair first_. He decided. Maybe he'd think of a name once he saw his new image.

Or maybe he'd want his old one back.

Before he could lose his nerve, Howard pushed open the small red door and stepped inside.

* * *

"An assassin." Naboo repeated.

"Yeah!" Vince caught the look on his face. "Naboo, I'm not crazy. I know what he said and I know he wasn't lying. I've never seen him like that…" Vince trailed off unhappily.

"Bollo always had a bad feeling about Howard…"

"Shut up Bollo!" snapped Naboo. "That doesn't exactly help me now, does it?!"

"Sorry." Bollo muttered.

"You have to find him, Naboo!" Vince said suddenly, looking desperately at him. "Please! He said these people he works for are gonna want to kill him! You cant let him die, Naboo, it's Howard!"

"Vince, he's dangerous."

"He isn't!"

"He hit you, Vince. He's a killer."

"Don't say that!"

"It's true! You might not want to hear it, but it's true. He said so himself, I wasn't his first ever assignment. Meaning he's killed before."

"He's not like that." Vince insisted stubbornly. Naboo sighed.

"He is though, Vince. He was acting with you; with all of us." he laid a hand hesitantly on Vince's shoulder. "We just have to let him go."

* * *

Howard stepped out into the street and peered into the barber shop window, taking in the new look. The moustache had had to go, and his trademark 'brown smoke' hair had become short and jet black. All he needed now was a new set of clothes to match his new image. It seemed strange, but he was going to miss all those unflattering corduroy creations. He'd preferred some of Vince's stuff sure, but still… he sighed. He'd need a new name as well. Howard Moon was going to be wanted by his employers. Not that Howard Moon was his real name anyway, but still. That wasn't the point. He stepped through the doors of Topshop, forcing his way through the crowds.

Where would he go? Staying in London was out of the question of course. Australia maybe? Or America. He'd always quite fancied America. He could do a very convincing American accent; and he'd need it. If he used his real accent he'd stick out like a sore thumb.

He sighed, flicking through the railings at random and picking up clothes. His heart almost stopped beating when he turned a corner and walked straight into Leroy, but the other man just looked him up and down and muttered 'sorry' before walking out of the shop. Howard wasn't sure whether to be offended or pleased that one of his best friends didn't recognise him with his new image.

By the time he left, he'd spent about a years worth of Howard's pay. He chuckled lightly to himself. For him, the money was peanuts. If Vince ever saw his real bank account, Howard thought the young man would probably faint or…_No! No, stop thinking about Vince! He's not a part of your life anymore, and he never will be. You never should have got involved. Forget the stupid little idiot._

Easier said than done when he knew he was only a few miles from the Nabootique and Vince. He had to get out of London.

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Cookies for reviews!xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh, a quick update. Aren't you lucky! Especially since I usually wait for plenty of reviews before updating (what can I say - I love getting reactions for my work!) Ok, explanations: Howard's going to have a new name in this chapter, in keeping with the whole new identity thing. I don't want to confuse people though, so I'm still going to be calling him Howard. He, and everyone else he speaks to, will refer to him by his new name. Understand? Ok. Read on!**

**Warning: There are moments in this chapter which are a little…unsettling. To put it mildly.**

* * *

Vince gazed out of the window, watching the rain zigzag down the glass. He felt awful. He missed Howard, and what made it worse was that a tiny part of his brain knew Howard had never existed. The man he'd spent every day with for the past 10 years wasn't the man he'd thought he knew. How much of their friendship had been real? Did he really enjoy crimping? Throwing Satsuma's? Jazz? Did he even like _Vince_? Yes. Yes, Vince was sure he must do, else why kiss him? But there was so much else…Vince didn't even know if he was really from Leeds. He sighed, bringing up his hand to run it over the shirt he was wearing. It was covered in brown and yellow flowers, and was absolutely hideous. But it had been Howard's, so Vince was finding it very hard to care.

"Vince?"

He looked round. "Hey Naboolio."

"Vince, what the hell are you wearing?"

"His shirt."

Naboo sighed, looking at the carpet. "Vince. He's not coming back." he said gently.

"You don't know that."

"I do. I know the sort of people men like Howard work for, and they're not nice. These men wouldn't hesitate to have their own granny taken out if someone paid them, and Howard failed to do as they asked. For all we know, Howard's already dead."

"Don't say that!"

"Why not? And even if he's not, Vince, he's been lying to us for years. He tried to kill me!"

"Not for ages! His last proper attempt was back at the zoo!"

"Oh, that makes it ok then! As long as he hasn't tried to murder me _recently_, everything's fine!" he bit his lip when he saw Vince's eyes fill with tears. "I'm sorry."

"Please, please help him, Naboo. Don't let them kill him. The only reason they're after him is because he liked you too much to kill you. That's got to mean something to you!"

Naboo sighed. "Vince, if I could help him I would. Because I hate seeing you like this. But I don't know where he is. And if I find him, it means other people can find him." he laid a hand comfortingly on his friend's arm. "I think right now Howard's safest if we just forget he ever existed."

Vince turned his face to him, and the shaman almost gasped at the pain in the other man's eyes. "How can I do that, Naboo? It's Howard."

* * *

Howard looked around the bar, sipping his beer. He was in a cheap hotel in the middle of no-where, about halfway between where he lived - _where Naboo lived_ - in London and a small airport in the South West of England. He turned when he felt a hand on his arm, and saw a small blonde woman smiling at him.

"Well hey there. What's your name?"

"Julian. Julian Barnes." he said without hesitation, a small smile on his face. To the woman, it would look like he was happy she was there, that he was interested in her. In reality, he couldn't care less. But the facial expression looked convincing, so her smile grew.

"Hi, Julian. I'm Amy." she lowered her head and peered up through her lashes. "You wanna buy a girl a drink?"

"Why the hell not?" he signalled over the barmaid and she ordered a vodka and coke. He smiled at her. "So. What brings you to a shit hole like this?"

"Oh, you know." she looked into her drink for a second before continuing. "I'm running away. My boyfriend hit me."

"Oh. Well, he must have been crazy."

She smiled again, and shifted so her body was fully in Howard's personal space. It actually made him quite uncomfortable, but his face remained relaxed and friendly. He was too good an actor to let his emotions show.

"What about you, Julian? What brings you to a place like this?"

"I just needed to get away from the wife for a few days. Take in some…scenery."

She looked him up and down and her smile became seductive. "Really?" she purred, stepping even closer.

Howard didn't know why he was doing this. He didn't want to sleep with Amy. But he felt a need for human comfort, and he knew the body he wanted to hold was miles away in a flat in Dalston… He shook that thought out of his mind and replaced it with the girl stood in front of him.

"You know…I have a bottle of champagne in my room," he said softly, feeling an unpleasant jolt in his stomach when her eyes brightened, "and it tastes much better when there's someone to share it with. What say you and I head upstairs and crack it open?"

She giggled. "How can I refuse an offer like that?" she held out her arm and after a split seconds hesitation Howard took it and led the way to the staircase.

* * *

"Home sweet home." he said, opening the door to his suite and holding it open for her. He'd got the most expensive room they had, and it _still _looked like someone had puked in the corner.

"Nice." she said, looking around. Howard wondered briefly what her room was like if she thought _his _was nice. He reached into his bag and pulled out the champagne he'd bought on the way here. He couldn't believe he was about to drink a £400 bottle of champagne with a girl like Amy, but then again it wasn't like he wasn't going to get anything out of it, even if it was only a cheap one night stand.

"Excuse me a second." he said with a smile, walking into the en suite bathroom. He peered into the mirror. This was the first time he'd really looked at 'Julian Barnes', and if he was honest he didn't like what he saw. Still, it was only for a while. Once he got to America he could come up with a whole new persona. He washed his face and went back out into the bedroom.

Then he froze. Amy was rifling through his bag, and his wallet was already lying open on the bed, money and credit cards already gone. "What're you doing?" he asked. Amy span round, surprised. Obviously she'd expected him to be longer in the bathroom.

"Nothing."

Howard grabbed her wrist. "I _said_ what the fuck were you doing?" he growled.

"Let go of me!"

"You were stealing from me."

Amy sneered. "Not as stupid as you look!" she said, then spat in his face.

Howard snapped, slapping her across the face. By the time she righted her head again, he'd pulled out his gun and jabbed it into her throat. "You picked the wrong guy to mess with, bitch." he said softly. He saw her eyes widen and flood with fear.

"Please. I'm sorry!"

"But you're not, are you? Girls like you never are." He reached into her pocket and dug around, pulling out a large wad of banknotes, his credit cards, and his passport. "Is this everything?"

She didn't say anything so Howard raised his hand again as if to strike and, as he expected, she flinched away. "Yes! Yes, that's it, that's all I took I swear!"

"Good." He traced his gun over her face, then jabbed it back into her collar bone.

"Please!" she was crying now, but whether out of fear or because he was hurting her Howard didn't know. "Please. I owed this guy money. He said he would kill me if I didn't pay up!"

"And now I'm going to kill you because you tried. Isn't that ironic?"

She gave a small gasp of pure terror, staring at him beseechingly. "Oh, God. Please, please don't. I'll do anything, I…"

"Too late." he leaned in close to her ear and pressed the gun into her throat a little harder. "Bang." he whispered.

He heard her give another strangled sob, and glanced at her face. Her eyes were tight shut, her face coated in black streaks from where her makeup had run.

And suddenly all he could think of was how young she was. How she probably had parents who loved her and wanted her home. Friends who would miss her. People who's lives would be ruined if she wasn't in them anymore.

It was the fact that he made this realisation that stopped him, made him draw the gun back and hold it loosely at his sides. She opened her eyes, confusion, terror, and a tiny bit of hope in her face.

"Go." he whispered.

"What?"

"I said **GO**!" he roared at her. With a squeak of terror she grabbed up her shoes and made to run. Howard grabbed her arm. "Go home, Amy. Go back to your parents. Because if I **ever** see you again. You will regret me letting you go. Understand?"

She nodded, eyes and nose still streaming. He let her go and she ran off like there was a demon after her. Howard sank down against the wall, banging his head against it. Why **had **he let her go? She'd tried to steal from him, and spat at him. Fifteen years ago he wouldn't have hesitated to blow her brains out for one of those offences, let alone both. "What have I turned into?" he whispered to himself. "What did I let them do to me?"

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Reviews are loved!xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh, another quick update! I am on a role with this story! Hope you guys are liking it.**

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Howard kept his head bowed against the wind as he hurried back to the hotel. He had just bought a plane ticket, now all he needed to do was grab his bags and get a taxi to the airport. He pulled out his phone. "Hi, I wanted to book a taxi for 2:30?…yeah…yeah…the Platinum Inn…yeah…Howa - Julian. Julian Barnes…yes. Great, thank you!" he hung up, cursing himself. What the hell had he nearly given Howard's name for? He was just a creation for a job, that wasn't _him_.

He couldn't wait to get out of the hotel. He'd glimpsed Amy once before she went home (or left the hotel anyway. Howard had no idea if she'd listened to him and actually gone back to her family), and the look of pure terror when she'd spotted him had made his stomach crawl uncomfortably. He still hated that he'd shown her such weakness. It didn't bode well; having developed a conscience with the sort of work he did.

He pushed open the door to the foyer and walked quickly towards the lift. He heard the receptionist call something after him, but he ignored her. Stupid girl, he honestly couldn't understand how people could function with that little intelligence. Unbidden, his thoughts wondered to someone else he'd used to call stupid and simple. Vince. Angrily, Howard dug his fingernails into his palm, allowing the pain to wash any thoughts of 'Howard's' life from his mind_._ He opened the door and stepped inside, grabbing his bag. He made a quick sweep of the bedside table. Just when he was satisfied, he almost jumped out of his skin when the light flicked on. He span round, hand already on the gun, and gasped at what, or rather who, he saw there.

"T-Terry. Hi. Wh-what are you doing here?" he tried to sound casual, but knew he had failed miserably.

"Alright, son?"

"I'm Fine. Wonderful. Fine, yeah."

"Good. I'm glad. And as to what I'm doing here…I've been shopping."

"Oh. that's…nice."

"Yeah. Needed to pick something up for the missus, it's her birthday on Friday"

"Good for her."

"And I said to myself: Terry, I said, Terry; where do you know that sells interesting things? Why, the Nabootique of course!"

Howard felt himself grow suddenly cold.

"So I went in there. Only; funny thing. You're no-where to be seen. And yet Naboo's still right as rain. Still alive." His voice grew suddenly menacing. "I paid you in advance to do a job. I don't like it when people don't do as I ask."

"I'm…I'm not done yet. I was still going to kill him, I…"

"Really? Only it looks to me like you're running away."

"No sir. Howard Moon's just…on holiday."

"Last time I looked 'Howard Moon' had brown hair and a moustache. And he didn't wear clothes like _that_." he raked his eyes over Howard's tight black shirt and skinny jeans in a way that made him feel very uneasy.

Howard thought fast. "Um, Vince did it. He said I needed a new look."

"Is that right? Well, you look great."

"Thanks."

"Well, I'll be on my way then."

Howard let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding. "Yeah. It's great to see you, Terry."

"I'll bet." he reached out and grabbed Howard's arm. "You have 48 hours."

"W-what?"

"48 hours to get the job done. Or I'll come after you. You can't hide from me…Julian."

Howard swallowed. "Terry, I'm sorry, please…I've got so much to give!"

"Don't shit yourself. I paid you up front, I'm not about to kill my investment without giving it a second chance. But don't let me down. Got it?"

"Y-yes. Crystal clear, boss."

"Good. 48 hours." with a contemptuous glance at Howard, Terry swept out of the room. Howard instantly collapsed onto the bed, hands shaking, desperately trying to think of what he could do.

* * *

Naboo sighed as he flicked the TV channels. It had been a week since Howard had 'left', and Vince was still moping around. Although, Naboo had noticed that the young man's feelings seemed to have shifted slightly, he now seemed more angry at Howard for lying than upset he'd left. Well, maybe a 50/50 split. He jumped when he heard a crash coming from Vince's room. He got up and wondered over.

"Vince?"

He pushed the door open and saw Vince pawing through Howard's drawers and cupboard and throwing everything over his shoulder, regardless of how breakable it was. Naboo could see a smashed orange globe, which he assumed was the cause of the crashing noise.

"Vince? Um…" he walked hesitantly into the room, dodging a book which flew dangerously close to his face. "What exactly are you doing?"

"He must have left something. No-one can lie for that long, they just cant! He must have left some sort of clue as to who he is!"

"Vince, Howard was a professional. Lying was what he did for a living…"

"Don't say 'was'! He's not dead!"

"I'm sorry."

Vince looked at him for a second, then seemed to crumple. "No. Don't be." he sighed. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I've been acting like a child all week…"

"Vince, it's understandable. You had a shock. We all did."

"Yeah, but you and Bollo didn't go crazy and stare out windows did you?"

"No, but…we weren't as close to him as you were."

Vince raised an eyebrow and snorted mirthlessly. "We weren't close. If we were close, he wouldn't have lied to me."

Naboo opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the doorbell. He cast an irritated look into the hall, then turned back to Vince. "Vince, I really think…" he grunted in frustration when the bell rang again. "Hold on. I just need to answer that, and I'll be right back, ok?"

"Yeah. Ok."

Naboo hurried into the hall, shaking his head. If he ever caught up with Howard he'd kill him for what he'd done to Vince…although Howard might try and kill him first. Maybe he could just brew Vince something to help him move on…

He pulled open the door and looked up at the man. "Yes?"

"Hello Naboo."

Naboo jumped at the sound of Howard's voice. He looked like a stranger. What also might have made him jump was the feeling of a pistol being jabbed into his stomach. "H-Howard?"

Howard smiled, flicking the safety off the gun. "Can I come in?"

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Short I know, but… seemed like a good place to end.

**Reviews are loved! I really wanna know what you guys think of this!xx**


	5. Chapter 5

"Howard, what're you doing?" Naboo asked quietly.

"Don't call me that, that's not my name. Just get inside, Naboo."

The shaman hesitated. Vince was inside the flat…then Howard held the gun up so it was in front of his face, and he realised he didn't have much choice here. If what Vince had said was true, and not just Howard lying to him, then Howard had left to avoid killing him. Which meant there might be a chance to talk him round, change his mind…swallowing nervously, Naboo turned and walked back into the flat, leaving the door open for Howard to follow him in.

* * *

Vince heard the front door close and looked up, expecting Naboo to come walking back into his room. He frowned slightly when no-one appeared. Ok, so Naboo was sort of absent minded, and he didn't always care about what Vince was feeling; but this was different. It wasn't like him not to come back when he'd said he would. Maybe he'd gone out? But no, Vince was sure he could hear voices…he was about to go out and see who it was, when something stopped him. Just a feeling, at the back of his mind, that something wasn't quite right here.

Hesitantly, he made his way over to the slightly ajar bedroom door and peered through. He could see Naboo standing looking at a man. Vince couldn't see his face, his back was to him, but he could see Naboo was looking at him warily, almost fearfully. Vince withdrew from the doorway, then froze when the floorboard creaked under his weight.

The man spun his head round in surprise and Vince gasped. It was Howard, although Vince barely recognised him. He looked completely different.

"Vince! I…you weren't supposed to be here!"

"I tend to make a habit of that, don't I?"

Howard swallowed. He hadn't expected this. He'd thought Vince would be out. An idea formed in his mind. Something which, although it would hurt him, might be the answer to his problems. "Go and stand over there. By Naboo." he gestured the gun. "Go on!"

Vince complied.

"You shouldn't have been here, Vince. I've got a job to carry out. You were never supposed to be a part of this, and I am so sorry I made you one. But at the end of the day, we all have things to do we don't like. And this is mine." Howard suddenly realised he'd slipped into an American accent without meaning to. He wasn't sure why; maybe to separate the man Vince remembered from what he was about to do? He switched back into his usual Northern lilt. "Sorry. I cant say it enough." He turned the direction of the gun from Naboo, to Vince.

Naboo swore. "Howard, what're you doing?"

"What needs to be done."

"Why?" Vince asked.

"Because you changed me! Before I met you, I was the best! I'd kill anyone for the right price, and I'd kill for free if I wanted to…" he looked down at the gun, but his eyes were unfocused and unseeing. "There was this girl, a few days ago. Amy. Couldn't have been older than 21. She stole from me, and she spat in my face." his expression darkened. "No-one spits in my face and gets away with it."

"You…killed her?" Vince asked, horrified.

Howard looked up, eyes focused again. "No. That's my point. I couldn't."

"Howard, that's a good thing!" Naboo tried to reason. Howard swung the gun back towards him.

"Not for me it isn't. Killing's all I've ever done, it's all I've ever been good at! What am I supposed to do if I cant do my job?"

"Why does that mean you need to kill Vince? He's not on your contract, Howard. Let him go."

"Because he's the reason I don't want to kill anyone!" he looked at Vince again. "My life here with you…I was happy. And as long as you're still here, I feel like I could stay in this life, in this shop. But that's not an option for me, so I need you to not be here." He stepped forwards and pressed the gun gently to Vince's head. "Permanently."

Vince whimpered, closing his eyes, a single tear running down his cheek.

Howard blinked back his own tears. It killed him to see Vince so upset, so scared.

**Crash**

Howard looked round as the door was kicked open. For a moment, Naboo's face filled with relief, but that quickly changed when he realised he knew the man standing there.

And so did Howard.

"Terry, what the hell are you doing here?!"

He ignored the question, merely whistled softly and smirked at Howard. "I gotta say, I'm impressed. I thought you'd run."

"You said you'd kill me."

"And I would have done. But I expected you to try. Clearly I underestimated you, well done."

"Why're you here, Terry? You gave me 48 hours."

"What?" Naboo asked. Terry smiled.

"Long time no see Naboo."

"Yeah, I was actually hoping not to break that habit."

"Now, now, just remember who's in charge here." he pointed to himself. "Now, I gave him," he pointed at Howard, "48 hours to kill you, "he pointed at Naboo, "before I killed him myself."

"And it hasn't been 48 hours yet." Howard pointed out.

"True. But now I'm here, I think I'll stay and watch." he looked over at Vince. "And I don't know who she is, or what she's done, but I believe you were pointing the gun at her head when I came in." he glared at Howard. "Kill for pleasure on your own time. The shaman goes first."

"Ok." Howard pointed his gun at Naboo. He couldn't help noticing his hand was shaking slightly.

Vince tried to look away, but the man called Terry grabbed his face and forced his head around. "Come on, darling, you don't want to miss the show." he squeezed hard, causing Vince to whimper in pain. "After all, don't you want to see what you're in for?"

Howard looked over at the sound of Vince's whimper. His eyes narrowed as he saw Terry holding his head, forcing him to stare at Naboo.

"Leave him alone, Terry."

"Get on with it." he growled. Howard turned his attention back to Naboo.

"I'm really sorry." he whispered.

Vince couldn't bear to watch this. In desperation, he lashed out with his foot, getting lucky when it connected with Terry's knee. He let go in surprise and Vince tried to run, but the older man recovered quickly and grabbed him again. "You're gonna regret that, bitch." he said menacingly, and back-handed Vince hard across the face, causing him to fall. Howard looked over. Terry gestured at Naboo. "Go on then! Shoot the bastard."

Howard nodded, looking over at Naboo. Then he raised the gun, hand now completely steady, and fired.

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Reviews are loved more than Ben & Jerry's brownie ice cream! xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Blimey, this updates taken ages! Sorry to leave you all with such a cliff-hanger!**

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It took Naboo several seconds to realise he wasn't dead, or even injured.

It took him a couple more seconds to realise that must mean Howard hadn't shot him. He opened his eyes, peering round the room. His heart stopped for a second when he saw Vince lying on the floor, but then the younger man stood up and backed against the wall, looking shaken.

So who…?

It suddenly dawned on him that Vince hadn't been alone on the floor and looked back down. Terry was sat there clutching his arm, which was bleeding profusely.

"I told you to leave him alone." Howard growled, his voice menacing and cold.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" Terry demanded. "You just signed your own death warrant!"

"Did I?" Howard said, disinterested. He tilted his head slightly to the side, examining Terry like he was a piece of art Howard found particularly interesting. "I'll be damned if I wont take you with me."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I?" Howard asked, "Why not? You're going to kill me anyway."

"I'll send people after your 'precious' friends. How about that, hmm? Maybe they'll join you in hell."

"You'll only manage that if you've learnt to communicate from beyond the grave." Howard told him. He waved his gun. "I had two bullets Terry. One for each of them. So now I've got one left." he smiled. "So here's how it's going to work. You're going to get up and leave here and not come back. You're not going to send people after me, or Vince, or Naboo, or Bollo."

"And what if I don't agree?" he sneered.

"I shoot you in the head here and now." He dropped his voice so it was almost a whisper. "Your choice Terry. Life, or death. Moving on, or revenge."

Terry looked around the small group, anger and pain twisting his face. "Fine. I'll go."

"Good choice." Howard told him. He made no move to help the other man up, merely watched as he staggered to his feet. "Oh, and Terry?"

"What?"

"Just so you know…in the event of Howard Moon's death, a package is going to be sent straight to the police; detailing - with proof - every unsolved you had a hand in. If I die, you're screwed."

Terry spat on the floor by Howard's feet. "You filthy little…"

"And," Howard interrupted loudly, "if anything happens to my friends, I have an identical letter ready to send myself."

"Do you really think this life is enough for you, boy?" Terry asked Howard, his voice soft and coaxing now. "Working in a shop? You were the best; you could still be the best. Just shoot the shaman and everything's forgiven."

"Five."

"What?"

"Four. Three. Two." Howard raised his gun.

"Ok, ok." Terry backed out. "You will regret this."

"Really."

He cast a filthy look at Vince, before walking out the front door. Howard pushed it closed behind him and rested his head against the door, breathing heavily. He jumped when he heard Naboo cough, as if he'd forgotten they were even there.

"You guys ok?"

"Like you care." Naboo snapped. "Why were you going to kill us to save yourself, if you've got that letter?"

Howard frowned. "Right…yeah…I should probably have one of those made up."

"You were bluffing?"

"Well, obviously." he turned his attention to Vince. "Vince? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine." he said quietly.

"Vince…"

"I said I'm fine!" Vince yelled, storming off into the bedroom. Howard watched him go, heart beating furiously.

"What did you expect?" Naboo asked quietly. "To be welcomed back with open arms?"

"Shut up. Just shut up Naboo, ok?"

"So are you going to go talk to him, or just run away like a coward?"

Howard glared at him, then followed Vince into the bedroom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Vince?"

"Go away."

"Vince please don't be like that…"

"What should I be like? For as long as I can remember, you've been there. Making it all ok. Keeping me safe. And now you've brought this into my life. I'd have been better off if I never met you."

"You don't mean that."

"Don't I? Until now the worst I'd seen was a punch up after a few drinks. Now there's fucking killers wanting us dead."

"They won't hurt you, Vince. I'll never let anyone hurt you again."

Vince turned to him, his face anguished. "This is what I can't understand!"

"What?"

"This! You jump from wanting me safe to wanting me dead, to wanting me safe again in about five seconds!"

"I never 'wanted' you dead, Vince."

"Still threatened to kill me though, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's not enough."

"So tell me what is. I'd do anything, Vince, anything to make this ok. What will it take to make you see how sorry I am?" Howard stepped towards him, feeling his heart break when Vince recoiled slightly.

"What's your real name?"

He froze. "Does it matter?"

"It does to me."

Howard sighed. "Why?"

"Because I've lived with you for 10 years, and I want to know who you are!"

"Vince…my name isn't important. It doesn't define who I am, any more than yours defines who you are. You'd still be the same person whether you were called Vince or…I dunno, Clive." he shook his head. "Anything but that I'll tell you. I'll tell you anything."

"Really? Then answer me this."

"Anything." he repeated.

"Would you have done it? If the Terry bloke hadn't come in, would you have shot me?"

Howard looked at him, thinking hard.

"And don't lie to me." Vince said, as if reading Howard's mind.

"Yes. Yes, I would."

Vince's eyes widened in shock, and he stepped back a pace. "Right then."

"But then I wouldn't have killed Naboo, because I'd have probably used the last bullet on myself! I'm so glad Terry came in, because else I might have made the biggest mistake of my life and hurt you."

"You've already hurt me."

"Only because I thought it would keep you safe. Vince, I…I love you."

"No you don't. If you loved me, you wouldn't have lied."

"I had to. Please, Vince, you love me. I know you do."

"I don't. I don't love you."

"Vince…""I love Howard. And you're not him. You might look like him, but you're not."

"I could be him again." Howard closed his eyes briefly, slipping into the persona and mindset of Howard Moon as easily as an old coat. "Hey, Vince. You better watch what you say, or I'll come at ya like a shark with knees…"

"Stop it."

"You know I've got the moves! Ow, chicka chicka!"

"_Please_!"

Howard stopped trying. He sighed. "Let me try, Vince. We can go back to how we were before, yeah?"

"You think I want that? Do you _really _think I could live like that? Satsuma fights, crimping, knowing that for you it was all a lie? All a _game?"_

"It wasn't all a lie, Vince. I swear it wasn't." he reached out to touch his shoulder, but Vince twisted out of his grip.

"Don't touch me. I mean it."

"Vince…"

"Go. Please." Vince turned away from him again, tears running freely down his face.

Howard stood there for a moment. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then swiftly turned and walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.


	7. Chapter 7

Naboo looked up as Howard walked past him. Howard didn't even look at him, just walked out of the flat; pulling the door closed.

Naboo looked over to the bedroom door. He should really go in there. Naboo had never felt comfortable with emotional scenes, he hadn't even freaked out when sentenced to death by the Shaman's council. But he knew how fragile Vince was right now, and he didn't think it was safe to leave him on his own.

"Vince?" he said quietly, pushing the door open. Vince was sat hunched up on the floor next to his bed. He looked up to reveal his tear stained face. His eyes looked strangely grey. "Vince, what happened?"

"He's gone. He's left again."

"He left?" Naboo asked, slightly appalled.

"I told him to go." he choked back a sob. "I told him to go! Why the fuck did I do that?!"

Naboo sat down beside him and awkwardly patted his arm. "You had to, Vince."

"But I didn't! He wanted to come back; he wanted to be with me! And I wouldn't let him because he's not Howard."

"Vince…what do you want? If you could have anything in the entire world, what would it be?"

"Howard back. But that's never going to happen is it? Howard never even existed."

Naboo hesitated. "Vince…you spent almost every hour of every day with that man for the past 10 years. He might be a good actor, but no-one's that good."

"What do you mean?"

"God knows why I'm saying this, because right now I would happily let Bollo rip his head off, but…it can't all have been a lie."

Vince sniffed, looking thoughtful. Then he sighed. "It doesn't matter. The important stuff…that's what he lied about."

"What, his name? Where he lived? What his parents did for a living? Vince, I've heard at least three different versions of your childhood. How is this any different?"

Vince glared at him. "Why're you defending him?"

"Because if you spend the next God knows how long moping around, you're gonna put off my customers."

"Oh."

"And because you're my friend."

Vince smiled, and Naboo smiled back slightly awkwardly. "Cheers Naboo."

"No problem."

"So what should I do?"

Naboo hesitated for a second. "The right thing." he said with a shrug, leaving the room.

* * *

Howard lay on his back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. This time in three days he'd be in a whole new country.

A new name, a new history, a new identity.

A fresh start.

All his mistakes wiped clean. Ok, so life was going to be hard; at least until he worked up the guts to kill people again (assuming he ever did), but until that point he was going to have to go legit. Work in a shop maybe, he'd had enough practice in the Nabootique.

Although Howard suspected that 'normal' shops got more than 3 customers a day. Still, he had charm and charisma when he wanted to, sales should be a doddle…

_**Ring ring**_

Howard frowned at the phone beside his bed, then picked it up. "Hello?"

"Mr Moon? This is Stacy from main reception."

Now that he no longer had people after him, Howard had decided to find accommodation that was actually nice (he'd checked into a five star hotel in the middle of London). For a reason he couldn't quite fathom he'd also gone back to using Howard's name.

"Yes? What is it?"

"You've got a visitor, sir."

Howard felt his blood run cold. He couldn't think of a single person who would be looking for him…except Terry. Oh, fuck.

"A visitor?" he asked weakly.

"Yes sir. Shall I send him up?"

"No!" Howard exclaimed, a little too quickly and loudly. He could hear the surprised silence on the other end. "I mean…no, don't worry about it. I'll come down and meet him myself."

"If you're sure sir…" she sounded uncertain.

"Yes. Thank you."

Howard hung up the phone and sat there, thinking hard. Then he went to his case and pulled out his gun, still with the one remaining bullet in it. If they wanted to take him, they'd have to do it with him fighting. He slipped the gun under his jacket and walked casually down the stairs to main reception, looking around. He made his way over to the desk.

"Excuse me. Howard Moon, room 16. I was told I had a visitor?"

"Of course sir. He's in the bar."

"Thank you."

Howard walked over to the bar and pushed the door open, looking around. It was empty, except for the bar tender and a man sat hunched over at a table.

Howard instantly relaxed and took his hand off the gun. There was no mistaking that hair.

"Vince?"

The young man looked up. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days (which seeing as Howard had almost shot him two days ago was probably true.)

"You're using his name." Vince said, his tone almost accusing.

"_My_ name." Howard corrected gently. "It's still my name."

Vince looked at him, then shrugged. "Is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you still Howard? I have to know. Coz Naboo's right, you're not that good an actor. No-one is. So I figure some of it had to be true." he looked up at Howard, his eyes pleading. "Was some of it true?"

"Of course it was!" Howard told him, sitting down at the table.

"Can you prove that?"

Howard smiled sadly. "How am I supposed to do that, Vince? Don't you know me well enough to…"

"But that's the thing Howard…or whoever you are…I don't know you!"

"You want to know me? You want to know some truths? Ok here goes; my dad was never a geography teacher. I doubt my dad could even _spell_ geography. He was a stupid bastard drunk. I never had a mix up with another boys pencil case at school; hell, I never even went to school. I really do like Gary Numan. Vince, I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"But you won't tell me your name."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Vince…I've done a lot of stuff in my life. Stuff I'm not proud of. And if you knew my real name…you'd be able to find out what it was. And I don't want that."

"You kill people for a living, Howard. What could be worse than that?"

Howard sighed. "Please Vince, don't do this to yourself. You're better off not knowing, believe me."

"Believe you?! Why should I believe you?!" Vince stood up angrily and Howard realised he'd said the wrong thing. "I don't even know why I came here!"

"You must have had some reason."

"Because for some stupid reason I thought maybe Howard was still in there somewhere. But you were never Howard, were you?!"

Howard stood up and gripped Vince's arms. "I'm still Howard, Vince. I can prove it." Then he leant forwards and kissed him.

Vince struggled, attempting to free his arms, but Howard held on tight. After a few seconds, Vince relaxed and responded to the kiss. Howard let go of his arms and pulled back. He didn't flinch when Vince pulled back his arm as if to slap him, just looked at him.

Vince's eyes filled with tears and he lowered his hand. "I'm sorry, Howard."

"Shh. Shh, it's ok." Howard placed a hand hesitantly on Vince's shoulder.

"This isn't fair. Why did this have to happen to us?"

"I don't know."

"I'm going to miss you."

There was a finality in Vince's voice that would have broken Howard's heart, had it still been whole. "I know. I'm going to miss you too."

"When do you leave?"

Howard checked his watch. "About 9 hour's time."

"A new start."

"Exactly."

Vince nodded. "Goodbye, Howard." he stood on tiptoe and pressed a soft kiss to Howard's lips, then turned and walked out of the bar. Howard stood there for a few moments, then glanced to his right and saw the barman watching him.

"Problem?" he growled.

"N-no sir."

"Good."

Howard went back to his room and sat on the edge of the bed. He was really going. If he was honest with himself, he'd been hoping something would happen to make Vince forgive him and allow him to stay in London, but who was he kidding?

Life was never that kind.

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Only one more chapter to go I think!

**Please review coz it's my birthday and reviews make me happy as a clam!**


	8. Chapter 8

Howard sighed softly as the taxi pulled up in front of him. This was it. It was really over. For the first time in his entire life he'd been happy, and he'd screwed it up. Because he'd lied.

He remembered being told, back when he was 17 and first starting out in this game, that he should never become attached, never see the 'target' as human. He'd laughed, the idea of caring about anyone seeming ludicrous. Now he wished he'd listened more.

Actually, no he didn't. He wished he'd gotten out when he'd first realised how much he cared for Vince. That was his downfall, if it wasn't for the electro poof he'd never have gotten to know Naboo; never would have started to view him as a friend, never would have gotten into this awful mess.

"Howard Moon?" the taxi driver asked. Howard nodded, standing up. "Where're you off to then?"

"Airport."

"Going anywhere nice?"

Howard shrugged. "No idea. First plane I see I'm going to get on it. I just need to get out of London. Out of England." _away from him._

"Running away, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it." Howard sighed. "I'll need to get a job. A proper job."

"Got skills then?" the driver asked, disinterestedly. Howard laughed.

"Oh, I've got skills. None of them would help me get anywhere though. Except maybe prison." he shook his head. "I'm going to have to start small. Maybe I'll find a little shop I can work in; I've had practice after all."

"Really." the driver picked up another of Howard's bags and threw it into the boot.

Howard turned and looked back at the hotel. This was the last time he'd see London. He never thought he'd miss the place. Mind you, it wasn't the city he'd be missing most…he turned back to the driver.

"Let's go."

"Right you are."

At that moment a voice came from behind him. "I know a shop that's looking for staff."

Howard spun round in surprise, trying to pinpoint where the speaker was. "Vince?"

"It's nothing special," Vince continued, stepping from the shadows, "just a small shop in Dalston. The pay's shit, some of the items are…well, dodgy to put it mildly. But it does come with half a room in the flat upstairs. And the other bloke who works there is brilliant."

"I think I know it." Howard said shakily. "That video place on the high street? That bloke Steve runs it."

Vince laughed. "That's the one. I think you'd fit right in."

Howard watched him cautiously. "Are you sure, Vince?"

He nodded. "I don't know if this is going to work, but…"

The taxi driver tapped Howard on the shoulder. "Oi mate, are you going to be long?"

"Shut up, ok? I'll just be a minute."

"I've got a living to make you know!"

Howard sighed impatiently, dug out his wallet and threw a couple of fifties at the driver. "There! Now will you please just wait in the sodding car?!"

"Fine. You take as long as you need." the driver told him, hurrying back round to the driver's seat. Howard turned back to Vince.

"Sorry about that."

"S'fine."

"Vince are you serious about this? What about Naboo?"

"He told me to do the right thing. And this is what I think is right. If he doesn't like it, maybe it'll teach him not to be so fucking vague with his advice in future." Vince chuckled, although he still sounded nervous.

"He could kick me out. Refuse to let me work there again."

"Or he could not."

Howard studied him carefully. "What about what you said before?"

Vince looked away. "I know what I said before. But then I started thinking about everything we've been through together, all the times you've saved me. I don't want to have to live without you, Howard."

Howard smiled. "I'm still Howard then."

"I dunno. Are you?"

"I can be…"

"That's not what I mean. I don't want you to act or pretend, that's not fair. On me or on you."

Howard shook his head slowly. "I can't stay, Vince."

"I'm asking you to."

"I know. But I can't."

"Why not?"

"You said you didn't love me. You love Howard. And maybe not all of him was pretend, but some of it was. I like different things, I'd prefer to dress a different way, I can't…" he hesitated, "I can't stay only for you to decide a few weeks down the line that you don't want me. I can't put myself through that."

Vince bit his lip. "This fucking terrifies me, you know? I've lived with you for so long and I know nothing about you. But…God knows I didn't love Howard for the way he dressed, or his stupid jazz trances, or…any of that shallow stuff. I loved him for the way he could make me feel better just by smiling. The way he could make me laugh. The way he was always there to protect me. The way _you_ were always there to protect me. So, no, I can't promise I'm not going to change my mind about this. But I think the main qualities of Howard are still in you. Have always been in you."

"I wish I could believe that. But you've changed your mind so often about this…"

"Says the man who keeps threatening to kill me."

Howard smiled. "Touché."

"If you want to leave, I won't follow you. I won't ever try and find you, or call you. You can escape all of this, make a fresh start. But if you don't…if you don't; I want to get to know you. The real you."

Howard looked away. Could he do it? Could he stay and risk getting his heart broken again; being more open with another human being than he'd been since he was a teenager?

"…Ok."

"What?"

"I'd like to come home. To the Nabootique. Please. If you'll let me."

Vince nodded, and Howard grinned at him.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you."

"I know."

"But…I do want to."

"Thank you."

They gazed into each other's eyes for a few seconds, before Vince looked away. "Come on. There's a taxi waiting and it's quite a walk back so we might as well use it."

Howard picked up the last of his bags, then held out his hand. Vince stared at it for a few seconds, before reaching out and taking it, entwining their fingers like lovers.

Howard squeezed his hand gently and Vince smiled uncertainly at him. As they climbed into the taxi and it drove off towards the Nabootique, Howard made a promise to himself. He didn't care how long it took, or what he had to do.

He was going to win Vince back.

**End! Thanks to everyone who's followed this story, I'm glad you liked it! And I hope the ending was ok :D**

**I would quite like to do a sequel (once I've finished all my other fics. There's flipping loads of them though, so it wouldn't be for ages), coz I would quite like to go into my version of Howard more. Would people want that? We'll see.**


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